Transformation--How Bad Do You Want It?

What passion stirred in the heart of  the apostle Paul to make him long to be like Jesus to the point of dying like him?  What combination of love, zeal, admiration, loyalty, and idealism caused him to make this statement in Philippians 3:10, 11:

 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

This is the ultimate example of a desire to be like Jesus.  Paul displays an eagerness to be like Jesus in every aspect, no exceptions, no boundaries.  The New Testament story doesn't reveal every aspect of Paul's journey to put off the old man and to put on the new (Colossians 3:5-14) but it does give us a glimpse into the character of the old Saul of Tarsus and the transformed apostle Paul.

We first meet Saul in Acts 9 where he was standing at the periphery of an angry crowd that had been whipped into a murderous frenzy by the peaching of a young man named Stephen.  Saul wasn't just a  part of the melee, caught up in the hysteria of the mob.  Paul had a harder heart than the men throwing the stones that killed Stephen.  He stood coldly by observing, approving, authorizing the atrocity.  He held the coats of the murderers so they could do their grizzly work.

I wonder if a personal view of his other relationships revealed a softer side?  I can't imagine it.  This picture of religious zeal almost reveals a sociopath.  He simply went from town to town dragging Christians to prison or to their death.  It was his consuming mission. (Acts 8:1-3)

The rest of the book of Acts begins to introduce us to the changed man, Paul.  He retained a zeal for God, but shaped that zeal by the love of Jesus.  I find the most stunning example of his transformation in the book of Philemon.  In this appeal to his old friend, Philemon, to have mercy on his new friend, Onesimus, Paul uses these phrases:

"Your love has given me great joy and encouragement...."
"...I appeal to you on the basis of love."
"...Onesimus, who became my son...."
"I am sending him--who is my very hear--back to you."

How many guys do you know who are this vocally effusive and tender?  In Saul's early life as a Jewish zealot, it is hardly imaginable that he could become this vulnerable in his expressions of love.  But here it is in black and white--the transformation of a man on a quest to become like Jesus. 

I look at my life and think of the ways that I am different from Jesus.  I have to ask myself: how much do I want to be like him?  What am I willing to crucify in my nature to embrace his nature?  How unselfish am I willing to be?  How seemingly foolish am I willing to look in order to imitate his love?  How far out of my comfort zone am I willing to step to look like him?