My friend, Rashmi was from India. Her marriage had been arranged by her parents. I was curious about this custom. I knew it to be common to many cultures throughout history, but I had many questions about how one adjusted to commiting one's life to a stranger. Rashmi's perspective was enlightening.
"In America," she explained, "little girls dream of marrying the man they fall in love with. In my home, we dream of loving the man we marry. We only pray he will be kind."
Clearly, the basis of these unions is different from the beginning. And each holds very different expectations. When little girls dream of "falling in love" they have a whole definition of what falling in love is, and it is likely a very personal definition. It embodies their idea of what is and is not romantic. But somehow they can hold as a conviction that each component of their romantic ideal is their inalienable right. It can detract significantly from what love really is. God gives us a very concrete definition of love (I Corinthinas 13). Love is active and selfless and other-centered and romance is fluidly defined by feelings. These feelings are often fantasy-based and fed to us largely by Hollywood and novels.
I am surely not suggesting that romance is somehow bad--consider The Song of Solomon! But I am drawn to consider that there is great value in a mindset from childhood on that you love the one you marry, not just marry the one you love.
A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidnece in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. (Proverbs 31:10-12)
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